NurseFail

5/17/12

Nurses Hijack Private Jet

When NurseFail.com read the headline about Hospital XX, “To Increase Profit, Hospital Closes Several Departments & Adds To Nursing Staffs Duties,” we thought, what’s new?  After all what hospital doesn’t close down other departments and add their jobs to nursing staffs duties for no extra money?  But as we investigated further, this story was a bit different.

In the summer of 2012 just as the schedulers for the nursing department were denying nurses vacation requests right and left, members of administration were trying to figure out where they wanted to go on vacation this year.  Stay in theUnited States?  Go toSouth America? Europe?  The decisions were endless.  However, the letters each member of administration received stating that they would not be getting their summer bonus this year, put their vacation dreams to a screeching halt.

Each quarter, with the next one being in June, the top tier of administration at Hospital XX received $5,000 bonuses for all their long hours of Amazon shopping, Facebooking, & Angry Bird playing at their desk.  This year would be different, with hospital profits decreasing at a steady rate, there was no money for bonuses and layoffs could be in the future.  Rest assure that as soon as the bad news was received, but right before their 4pm latte break, an emergency meeting was schedule to plot & scheme how to get their bonus back.

The disenchanted bunch of administrative professionals met in the board room with one goal in mind, making money to get their bonuses back.  The head of finance opened up a huge book of all the recent expenditures, each employee’s name & department, and all of their wages.  They then began weeding out what departments weren’t necessary, what employee made too much, and writing up pink slips that would be a lot more depressing than the letters each of them just received.  By 5pm these letters were sealed and delivered to every unlucky employee who was chosen to be fired.  Administration knew all too well that a business just cannot fire key staff, not replace them, & expect to stay afloat?  So that isn’t what they had in mind, they planned replacing the fired staff internally, more specifically with the nursing department.  They understood that nurses are very versatile and talented creatures, they just didn’t want to let on that they knew this, because if the nurses knew their real worth?  Riots and strikes would be soon to follow.

The hospital was buzzing with bad news and just as all the fired people were cleaning off their desks and packing their stuff, the nurses were hauled into a meeting room by the bigwigs of administration.  From there they were told that they had some new job duties to add onto their daily tasks.  Each of them was to receive a sheet that would direct them to their new tasks and tomorrow they would receive training on how to do their new tasks.

Tomorrow was here and the nurses began to discuss their new tasks with each other.  Some nurses were assigned additional duties like: cleaning, radiology, clerk tasks, maintenance, computer technology, and even dietary food preparation.  Like usual, the nurse’s other job duties did not decrease, they were to do their regular job duties and these new ones with no extra help and no increase in pay.  And if the nurses knew this was all done so that administration could have bonuses?  There would have been total upheaval.

Everyday working at Hospital XX was a nightmare.  The nurses did their best to get all of their job duties done, but it was just impossible to take care of people and do another department’s job too.  On top of it all, the hospital was starting to look like a mess and really showing the effects of administrations budget cuts.  As for administration, everything was going even better than planned.  Within the first few weeks the changes, administration already qualified for their summer bonus and life was normal in their offices.  While the nurses were nearly working themselves to death, administration was hard at work using their office phone lines & computers to plan their vacations.  This however, wasn’t going to last for long.

The nurses were becoming delirious, angry, & feeling helpless over their new circumstances.  Many nurses had quit and the rest just wish they did.  But they didn’t have a spare moment to even talk about it at work; they were busy every minute of the day.  Meanwhile, Nurse XX had passed all of her meds and managed to have a spare minute to work on job number two, sorting and distributing the hospital mail.  While she was sorting, she came across something very intriguing.  It was a letter from one letter of administration to the rest with, “We have the best jobs in the world!” written on the outside of the envelope.  This really pissed Nurse XX off #1.  Because she did not have the best job in the world & #2. Because someone else at the hospital was happy and the entire nursing staff was not.  Nurse XX couldn’t help but open the letter.  Inside she discovered the whole plot and the reason why she was now taking care and sorting the mail and not getting a cent more.  The letter also suggested that if the rest of administration went to the same vacation destination they could share the hospital jet and end up flying for free.  Smoke was pouring out of Nurse XX ears at this injustice as she picked up the phone to tell some other nurses what was going down.

One the phone another nurse reminded her that a nurse was now piloting the hospital jet as a part of the increased job duty system for nurses.  From there they devised a plan to hijack the plane and demand a stop to the extra job duties and a ransom for all the nurses extra work.  All the nurses had to do is change the letter in department mail a little, make them to agree, and get a team together for the attack inside the plane.  Being the cheapskates they were, administration all agreed to save money by taking the hospital jet.  The nurses devised a plan to dress like stewardesses, take over the plane, and then state their demands.

The day was here and the nurses dressed like stewardesses as they helped the unassuming members of administration on their flight.  Within an hour, the nurses pulled their wigs off, and put their plan into action.  The plan went over very well and easier than expected.  It also helped that one nurse whose extra duties were in the computer department, pulled up and printed off several incriminating emails where each member of administration was caught having an affair on paper.  As soon as the nurses threatened with blackmail, administration went down without a fight.  The nurses of Hospital XX would have no extra duties and received a $350,000 check to be split amongst the staff.

However, as soon as the plane landed at the vacation destination and the nurses stepped off onto the tarmac, administration almost trampled them over to get back onto the plane where the Vice President of Marketing used his pilots license to take back off in the plane and leave the nurses there.  Within 15 minutes, the rest of administration had enough time to fired the nurses and clean out the computer system.  It was a valiant effort from the nurses of Hospital XX, who were able to cash the $350,000 check in 10 minutes and lived happily together at the vacation spot until this day.  Their ex-coworkers are still working two jobs at the hospital & administration is now receiving double bonuses.