Jul
18

The Food Collector

 

7/18/12

 

 

 

Patient Profile:  The Food Collector

 

 

 

-Ketchup packets, bottles of water, half eaten cookie packages, a piece of pie in a container, little packages of salt & pepper:  Nursing Priority #1 – Move these….Nursing Priority #2 – Assess your patient

-Your patient wants to report something terrible another staff member did to them.  As you rush into the room a million thoughts race through your head:  Did someone hurt them?  Who’s doing this to my patient?  When did this happen?…..In a panic you ask, “What’s going on?”  Your patient then goes on to tell you how the tech she had last night threw her half used strawberry jam container & the opened pack of stale graham cracker crumbs into the garbage when she went to sleep.  You say nothing, turn around, & walk back out of the patient’s room.

-For no apparent reason, this Full-Coded Hoarder of All Things Edible & Insignificant, decides that they aren’t taking their blood pressure meds today.  As they sit there, calmly clicking through the TV channels with a blood pressure of 201/87, it’s kind of ironic that you’re the one who looks most likely to stroke out.  For this situation?  Bribery works.  Just grab a few crusty old tartar sauce packets out of the fridge in exchange for a few digested pills & you’ve got yourself a deal!

-Patient belonging bags 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5.  Why is this patient discharging with the entire contents of the 5th floor kitchenette?

-It’s Sunday!  The day your patient’s enablers come to visit!  There’s now a teetering tower made of box upon box of girl scout cookies that threatens to kill you both if one wrong move is made……….

-How dare you try to use that tray table to rest your meds & syringes for the time being while you hang that IV!?

-It’s time to give your little Food Collector a roommate.  But not so fast!  The new roommate’s bed has long been covered with the products from a wholesale food shopping spree.  Cases of bottled water, a giant bag of tortilla chips, trail mix?!  What the f*ck is going on in here?!

-The call light goes off.  You can be heard saying, “For the last time, No!  None of these empty rooms or their closets can be rented out to store food!”…..”Nothing in this hospital can be rented out for food storage!”

-This patient’s care plan starts out with a series of steps of how to organize & discharge all of the patient’s food collection way before it ever talks about what to do with the actual patient.

-You say out loud, “No, I don’t have any packets of Splenda in my pocket!”  You say in your head, “Because I’m not crazy like you!”

-When this patient asks for a pack of cookies now & one for later, you translate that into, “Two more packs of cookies to be tossed into her pile.”  You finally tell this patient, “I cannot give you anymore cookies until you finish the stack on your table.  Your patient sits silent, devastated, & begins to scheme.

-It’s 3am & your patient is laying in pop-corn again….

-You & the CNA both say at the same time, “I wonder what their house looks like?”

-The guy at McDonald’s forgot the ketchup for your fries again!  You spend the next half an hour plotting how to sneak into your patient’s room & steal a few packets of ketchup from her tray table.

-You noticed that the tower of graham crackers on the nightstand was looking a little less towering?  2 hours later the CNA’s relay to you that the missing crackers were found, “you know where,” during the last Code Brown clean up and should now be referred to as, “Chocolate Covered Graham Crackers.”

Permanent link to this article: http://nursefail.com/http:/test.nursefail.com/nursefails

Jul
06

The Backstabber

 

7/6/12

 

 

Nurse Profile:  The Backstabber

 

 

-The age old question, “Can’t we all just get along?”….doesn’t really work to well in this circumstance, because you “get along.”  (Well technically you just think you do)  That’s not the problem, the problem is this nurse also gets along too well with everyone else, well enough to be everyone’s best friend too.

-D*mn it all!  You JUST pulled the knife out of your back a few hours ago and it’s already back in there again?!

-You just think its part of the normal aging process the way your whole body aches some days.  Don’t worry, your not aging, that’s just how people feel after they’ve been thrown under the bus, dragged 3 or 4 miles, and left for dead in front of the boss’s door.

-You wonder how backstabbing nurses like her sleep at night, knowing that they cause other people so much pain?  But really you should be wondering how you managed to sleep all night with that knife sticking out of your back like that?  There is NO WAY that’s comfortable to sleep on!?

-She asks about your kids, she asks about your vacation, she asked about your sick day last week, that’s what nice caring people do right?….Well yeah!?  Where do you think she learned it from?

-Friends text each other & so does this nurse but she calls it, “Target Practice”

-It’s not the knife in the back that’s causing you problems, it’s the smile coming at you from the front.

-NurseFail.com was devastated to find out that there are no laws in theUnited Statesto prosecute nurses who murder your trust.

-This nurse doesn’t consider what she does to people, “Backstabbing.”  She instead refers to it by many other names including:  Talking, reporting to the boss, hanging out, working, talking to the boss, writing an email to the boss

-Unfortunately, these nurses come in many different forms, which top two are as follows:  1. The Boss Backstabber- This seemingly nice nurse slithers to the bosses office every morning & reports all of her not so seemingly nice opinions about you, along with a moderately edematous highlight reel of your lasts shift’s most infamous quotes.  This nurse is very difficult if not impossible to catch because she only involves one other person in your latest problem. (Your boss)  She can go undetected & unsuspected for years and could even be considered the one person that everyone actually likes.  Your best chance of catching her is either by:  1. Happening to come across one of the skins she shed near the bosses office.  2.  Trapping her during meal time when is slowed down in the process of unhinging her jaw in an attempt to digest an oversized live rat.  3.  Pairing up exact quotes that the boss mentioned that only she could have known (#3 is your best chance) 2.  The Coworker Backstabber-  Smiles abound & genuinely unliked by all, this nurse is managing to love your face & hate your soul all in the same day.  This nurse is usually quickly caught and shunned by the rest, labeled as “The Hospital Snitch,” because her backstabbing involves so many people.  Her victims quickly ban together, remove the knifes from each other’s backs, and piece together the simple puzzle that leads to her plastic face.

-If a Backstabbing Nurse reads this, she will never for one second think that this is about her.  Instead she will immediately think of someone else.

-This nurse makes you wish fake smiles melted in the sunlight so you could see them coming

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Jul
05

Nurses Forced To Work In Deadly Heat With No Air Conditioning

7/5/12

 

 

 

 

INCIDENT REPORT

 

EXPLANATION:

 

The building I work in is no where near new.  It’s even to the point where we laugh sometimes about how out of date it is.  So when I saw that the temperature was going to be 105 degrees today, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be a good day at work.  Not only did I think all of our respiratory patients were going to be tanking on us, but with our ancient heating & cooling system, there I no way our air conditioning can compete with that type of weather.  Basically, the horrible scenario I described would have been a walk in the park compared to what we had to deal with.  The air condition had broke around 8am, the heat index was 115 degrees, and the thermometer on the wall inside quit working after 110.  The patients were sick & cranky, the staff was about to kill each other, it was a nightmare.

 

REAL FAIL:  Nurses Forced To Work In Deadly Heat With No Air Conditioning

 

My pen just melted…..….

 

PLAN FOR IMPROVEMENT:

Of course the air conditioning would break on the hottest day of the year?  Why wouldn’t it?  I have realized over the course of my life that mechanical devices pick the time when they are most needed to self destruct.  I’m guessing it’s programmed into them by the manufacture to teach that you cannot live without them by showing you the most important time to use them and leave you with a sense of fear for the rest of your life.  We at NurseFail.com also include such a programmed device, which will randomly disable the site for each individual at a time they need to laugh the most (i.e. after a horrible day at work, when you are near quitting, when you are trying to cool off so you don’t punch fellow coworker)  We tried not to have this programmed device but we were required by the government & the American Nurses Association.  No matter what though, sounds like that’s the kind of shift where nothing sounds better than to kick your feet up, put your arm out, & relax with an ice cold normal saline bolus floating through your veins.  And while you can’t do that at most places, you put that Vanco you got out of the refrigerator on your forehead while you’re walking down the hall headed to your patient’s room.  Either way, stay cool & go ahead, take an ice cream out of the patient refrigerator?  You deserve it!

 

Disclaimer:  This piece of medical fiction is property of www.NurseFail.com.  This is a fictional work of the imagination of a sick individual, with the goal of making me laugh….And well?  You too.  This is not endorsed by the ANA or in any way related to reality, think of it instead as a stretching of possibility.

Permanent link to this article: http://nursefail.com/http:/test.nursefail.com/nursefails

Jul
02

Nurse Borrows Money & Doesn’t Pay It Back

7/2/12

 

 

 

 

INCIDENT REPORT

 

EXPLANATION:

 

Like everybody else I know, before I was a nurse I worked minimum wage jobs, the type of jobs most people have when they are young.  Jobs like that are full of college kids and other young people just trying to pay rent and stuff like that.  People were always borrowing money for food & gas, and bumming cigarettes.  It wasn’t a big deal and it still isn’t among my friends, but there was always that one person who is always borrowing & bumming but who never pays anyone back.  I know nurses don’t make millions of dollars a year, but we do pretty well for ourselves.  So I just thought all that stuff would stop when I got a good job being an RN?  Boy was I wrong!  We still have people who always need to borrow money and bumming stuff & not paying people back.  It’s even worse because some of these people are making more than me not to mention the fact that they are older than me!?  Get it together people you’re 30+ years old?

 

REAL FAIL:  The Nurse Who Borrows Money & Doesn’t Pay People Back

 

No you can’t borrow anything, you already owe me……..

 

PLAN FOR IMPROVEMENT:

 

I thought the same things I’ve heard a lot of people say, that I was going to be able to escape the trappings I found in minimum wage jobs full of kids.  I was wrong too.  I thought, “Man it will be nice to work with educated people so I don’t have to deal with some of the problems that come with people not being able to be fair or rationalize certain things or take criticism.”  WRONG  I thought, “These people make a decent amount of money, they won’t be bumming everything off me & trying not to pay me back.”  WRONG  Even worse, I thought, “These people are educated & older, they should be more mature about things and not be so petty.”  WAY WRONG  It’s pretty sad that I feel like my last job I had before I became an RN had harder working, more honest people, that took criticism better, and participated a lot less back stabbing.  I understand that every place is different and maybe in nursing I was dealt a bad hand?  But the more people I talk to, I find out it’s not just me.  That’s scary.  It’s hard to be good and honest, & work hard when you see a lot of others who aren’t doing the same, but don’t fall into the trap, just keep doing your best & the bad ones will eventually be weeded out.  Until then?  As a rule, I don’t let anyone borrow money (especially coworkers) that I don’t expect not to be paid back to me.

 

Disclaimer:  This piece of medical fiction is property of www.NurseFail.com.  This is a fictional work of the imagination of a sick individual, with the goal of making me laugh….And well?  You too.  This is not endorsed by the ANA or in any way related to reality, think of it instead as a stretching of possibility.

Permanent link to this article: http://nursefail.com/http:/test.nursefail.com/nursefails

Jun
28

The Nurse Chair Timer

 

 

6/28/12

 

 

The Nurse Chair Timer

 

 

In the summer of 2010 Hospital XX was under new management.  Like any place that receives new management, changes were too come.  Of course this latest head honcho didn’t like how “things” had been going & decided that HE was exactly all that Hospital XX needed to change these, “things.”  As with any first impression, the new boss of the nursing department had a tuff decision to make.  Did he want his introduction to the nurses to give a sense of fear or a more passive aggressive, “I’m a cool boss but I’ll fire you for anything,” type of feeling?  Some decisions are more difficult than others but the new boss decided it was a fear kind of day today, so he put on his angriest face (that would later cost him thousands of dollars in plastic surgery to correct) and tromped into the nurses station to tell, “Those damn nurses how it’s gonna be from here on out!”

 

As he huffed and puffed and stomped around the nurse’s charting station, the nurses of Hospital XX barely looked up form their charting.  One nurse who was loudly chewing her gum raised her hand and said to him, “Will you get that?” referring to a call light that had just went off.  After things did not go as planned, the big boss man stomped away and figured he would take queues from some of the more common type of bosses that he knew and use an approach more fitting for a psych patient.  He decided to switch to the more passive aggressive, “I’m a cool boss but I’ll fire you for anything,” approach he had considered earlier and act as if the attempt he made to induce fear had not occurred.  Ever.

 

This attempt to forget the past and make a second, first impression was very easy to do, because the lazy nurses of Hospital XX had not paid any attention to him the first time around and barely remembered who he even was.  His second, first impression at being passive aggressive was very successful and the nurses now remembered him as the nice guy who brought them donuts & hand delivered to each of them, as their self imposed state of lethargy made it too difficult for them to get out of their chairs.  After this, the new boss was rarely seen around the hospital as he preferred to work in secrecy.  And one by one, the nurse’s jobs began to vanish as they were replaced with more active nurses without Stage II pressure ulcers from 12 hours of chair sitting.

 

At first the nurses were scared.  Who would be the next one to loose their job?  But just how any other slothful individual would react, the nurse’s initial bout of fear was quickly overtaken with a sense of IDGAS (I Don’t Give A Sh*) a condition that is not protected by the American Disability Association.  As more and more nurses were fired the original lazy nurses did manage to muster up an ounce or two of care, enough at least to try to lie to make the boss think that they were working.

 

What the nurses would do was carry spray bottles filled with 0.9% Normal Saline and when their new boss was in viewing range they would douse themselves with the water and make it look like they were not only working hard, but hard enough to be drenched with sweat.  This trick worked at first, but it wasn’t long before a nurse whose job was on the chopping block ratted them out to save herself.

 

Bound & determined to find out which nurses were working & which were sitting on their asses all day, “The Nurse Chair Timer,” was invented.  This historical device, which could be embedded into any chair, could sense by weight if a person was sitting in it or not.  The Nurse Chair Timer also records the number of times a nurse gets up via wireless transmitter that reads out, “On or Off,” depending on whether weight is felt on or off the chair.  A person can then look at the information to determine how long a nurse actually sat in the chair.

 

The device was a success for the hospital’s newest boss but a fail for all of the nurses.  It resulted in the firing of many more nurses to come.  The Nurse Chair Timer is no longer in use today.  After it’s publication in a prominent scientific journal created media attention, leading to a Dateline Investigation called, “Who’s Timing My Butt?,” which was watched my nurses all over the world including those at Hospital XX.  The nurses then resorted to sitting on countertops, making The Nurse Chair Timer’s useless.  AssClock, the manufacturer of The Nurse Chair Timer filed for bankruptcy in early 2012.  As for the nurse’s of Hospital XX, shortly after the demise of The Nurse Chair Timer, they were all mysteriously injured at the same time in the same foot (their right foot) and now have lifetime doctor’s orders forcing Hospital XX to allow them to do their jobs while sitting as much as possible.  NurseFail.com did receive information from an anonymous source that proposes that foot injury was self inflicted, based on a pact the nurses created not long after The Nurse Chair Timer was discovered.

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Jun
27

What’s In A Nurse’s Pockets?

6/20/12

 

INCIDENT REPORT

 

EXPLANATION:

 

 

I’ve found some pretty crazy things in my pocket before but this one takes the cake.  The other day I got home from work and noticed what looked like a wet spot on the outside of my scrub pants.  When I took my scrubs off I started digging through the pockets and pulled out a messy melted ball of alcohol pads, IV caps, lint, and what looked like wax?  I’m thinking what wax did I put in my pocket today?  Then it occurred to me!  It was the suppository that 618 didn’t end up wanting, so I put it in my pocket and forgot about it.  How wonderful!  Butt medication melted all over me!

 

 

REAL FAIL:  What’s In A Nurse’s Pockets?

 

At least it wasn’t a used suppository?  That’s a plus right?

 

PLAN FOR IMPROVEMENT:

 

Oh the treasures in a nurses pocket!  Let’s look in mine:  Lint, an IV cap, a stray alcohol pad, a Colace that 514 refused, and some pre-packaged syringes.  I’ve even put applesauce (You know, so the guy in 305 doesn’t choke on what he calls “poison” aka the meds I give him) in my pocket and forgot about it.  I’ve heard of nurses forgetting and taking narcotics home in their pockets, leaving blood draws in their pockets, you name it.  I guess that’s what pockets are for?  I mean waitresses & waiters wear aprons or those little belt things with pockets at least, and that’s basically what we are (waitresses & waiters at a drug café) right?  Waitresses & waiters minus the aprons at the crankiest restaurant in the world.

 

Disclaimer:  This piece of medical fiction is property of www.NurseFail.com.  This is a fictional work of the imagination of a sick individual, with the goal of making me laugh….And well?  You too.  This is not endorsed by the ANA or in any way related to reality, think of it instead as a stretching of possibility.

Permanent link to this article: http://nursefail.com/http:/test.nursefail.com/nursefails

Jun
26

The Fake Sleeper (Patient Profile)

 

 

6/26/12

 

Patient Profile:  The Fake Sleeper

 

-Obviously this patient is crazy, there is a range however, with the sanest being, “There’s Something Off,” to the craziest, “Totally Ape Sh*t Nuts.”

-Resist the urge to tell the patient you see them because it’s way for fun when they think they’re outsmarting you.

-The One Eye Open trick is one of the most popular for The Fake Sleeper, this is where the patient fake sleeps with one eye and then watches you with the other.  If directly stared at, the patient will quickly move the one open eye to closed position.  Resist the overwhelming urge to cry.  It can be very saddening to take a walk in the patient’s shoes for a moment & think that your horrible acting ability is actually outsmarting the nurse to the point in which she thinks you’re asleep.  Fortunately, the patient is unaware of their simple ways, and in that?  Ignorance is bliss.

-Although it is easy to mistake this selective narcolepsy for a disease, it’s not one.  It is instead considered a game.

-The Fake Sleeper’s finest moments occur during the first few days of stay or during the first few hours of any nurse who is new to the patient or basically anytime a person is not onto their Fake Sleeping.  The finest moments for the nurse however, are when the nurse knows the patient is a “Fake Sleeper.”  During this time the nurse can pretend that she or he does not know that the person is a “Fake Sleeper.”

-There are many theories behind why a patient chooses to become a “Fake Sleeper,” they are as follows:  1. The patient doesn’t want to talk to you.  2. The patient is planning something which requires the extra time that a nurse would give to a sneaky patient that requires constant watching, but who currently thinks is sleeping therefore doesn’t have to be checked on for the next few minutes.  3. The patient is just plain crazy & is fake sleeping for ridiculous reasons.  4. The patient is spying on you & trying to watch every move.  5. The patient is going to attack you & wants you not to be prepared.  6. The patient was in the middle of doing something bad i.e. trying to pull out their IV access, their wound vac, playing in their doo-doo butter, or plotting an escape from their bed

-Some Fake Sleepers are not so good at their trade.  These Bad Fake Sleepers can often be caught quickly closing their eyes as you enter their room or upon turning around quickly.  They can be caught with one eye open or partially open if you turn around quickly.

-To witness a Fake Sleeper who has mastered the fake snore is a very rare occurrence, a nurse is lucky to have witnessed this once in a career.

-Because The Fake Sleeper is always plotting something they must always be watched, when they are awake and you aren’t their it is 98% likely that they are up to no good.  (This statistic is based on no nursing research besides my own.  It estimate about what I’ve seen & I just made the number 98% up to make it all sound better.)

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Jun
18

Nurse Finds Hospital’s Hidden Supply Room

6/18/12

 

 

INCIDENT REPORT

 

EXPLANATION:

 

I have worked in this hospital for 15 years and I thought I knew every nook and cranny of this place until yesterday.  I was looking all over for this new wound dressing kit that they want us to use when I saw this door next to the supply room cracked a little.  I always thought the door went to a janitor’s closet or some electrical switch board or something like that?  Well it’s none of those things.  What it is actually, is another supply room.  Except this one is full of all kinds of new, clean things that I never knew we had.  We have been out of a certain type of wound dressing for weeks now and they told us they were on backorder, but there were boxes of them back there.  There was also another EKG machine and brand new blood pressure machines.  We have been asking for both of those things because one of our blood pressure machines just broke.  I can’t believe that I have never saw anyone go into or out of that room or seen a light on?  At first I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about this awesome new room, but then I thought about it & now I decided that I’m gonna keep this little secret for myself.

 

REAL FAIL:  NurseFindsHospital’s Hidden Supply Room

 

What hidden supply room?

 

PLAN FOR IMPROVEMENT:

 

So you found your hospital’s hidden supply room?  Your next step is to figure out who all knows about the room without tell them about it.  Once you do this you can secure the room for yourself & get the full benefits from your secret room.  If no one knows about this room it could be your own private break room?  Nap room?  Storage room where you hide all the stuff you don’t want anyone to find?  Just think of the possibilities.  If you have kids just think of the money you could save on daycare by putting them in that room all day!?  Personally I have always wanted my own secret stock room where I could hide stock when it was running low.  I have discovered it’s very hard to hide things at the hospital.  Even as dirty & neglected as some areas maybe whenever I think I’ve found the perfect hiding place for (let’s say) the only working Sharpie in the entire building, someone will find it, guaranteed in less than 12hours.  Yet, the pile of dust atop the 5 phonebooks from 1978 is now 1.8 inches in height? (Up from 1.6 inches last month)  I don’t understand this?

 

Disclaimer:  This piece of medical fiction is property of www.NurseFail.com.  This is a fictional work of the imagination of a sick individual, with the goal of making me laugh….And well?  You too.  This is not endorsed by the ANA or in any way related to reality, think of it instead as a stretching of possibility.

Permanent link to this article: http://nursefail.com/http:/test.nursefail.com/nursefails

Jun
15

Nurse Uses Blunt Needle For Insulin Injection

6/15/12

 

 

INCIDENT REPORT

 

 

 

EXPLANATION:

 

I just started my shift when I heard of my patients yelling out, so I headed to that room first.  The patient was holding his leg and said it hurt really badly where they gave him his insulin.  When I assessed his leg I thought that there was no way an insulin needle could have done that?  His leg was red & puffy with a big hole in the center of a bruise covered in dried blood.  I asked what happened & he said that he had never had a shot hurt like that and he has been on insulin for years.  I left the room & was on a mission to figure out what happened.  When I looked at the MAR, sure enough there was an insulin injection given in the left thigh a little over an hour ago.  I started digging through the med carts & grabbed out a bunch of needles to bring to the patient’s room to match up needles with the puncture site.  When I got to the huge, hallowed out blunt tipped needle used to draw up meds I knew the person had used that.  How could someone do that?  I mean the whole thing is red, cap & all?  Doesn’t that mean STOP?

 

 

REAL FAIL:  Nurse Uses Blunt Needle For Insulin Injection

 

How does something like this happen?

 

PLAN FOR IMPROVEMENT:

 

What a horrible thing to do to someone!  I mean we all make mistakes but this one could have easily been avoided by simply verifying the needle.  I can’t imagine looking at a blunt needle & thinking it would be OK to give to someone?  You may be rushing around all day, but there are a few key moments when you need to slow down to take a look at what you are doing, & giving meds is one of them.  Even if this equipment was new to you should have had a feeling that something wasn’t right about the fact that you didn’t see a needle gauge/size, that’s when you should have asked someone else.  This is ridiculous & shouldn’t have happened.

 

Disclaimer:  This piece of medical fiction is property of www.NurseFail.com.  This is a fictional work of the imagination of a sick individual, with the goal of making me laugh….And well?  You too.  This is not endorsed by the ANA or in any way related to reality, think of it instead as a stretching of possibility.

Permanent link to this article: http://nursefail.com/http:/test.nursefail.com/nursefails

Jun
11

Nurse Flagged At Airport By Drug Sniffing Dog

6/11/12

 

 

 

INCIDENT REPORT

 

EXPLANATION:

 

This is a crazy story but it really happened to a friend of mine.  She is a nurse at Hospital XX who has worked with me for a long time.  Anyway, she was headed on her vacation & booked a flight that left a few hours after work got out.  The hospital we work at is closer to the airport than where we actually live so she packed her bags and planned on heading straight to her flight from work in the morning.  So she gets to the airport, checks in her bags, changed out of her scrubs, & into some regular clothes.  While she’s headed to sit down in the waiting area she sees two security guards & their drug sniffing dog.  She didn’t even take a second notice because this is a common airport sight & she didn’t have anything to worry about?  Little did she know, she did have something to worry about.  The guards & the dog went straight toward her and said, “Ma’am you have to come with us!  She didn’t know what the hell was going on, but of course she went with them.  They took her to the back searching room and searched her and everything she had, they said that the narcotic sniffing dog smelled drugs on her.  They eventually let her go after she explained that she was a nurse who just got off work & they were able to verify her license.  Even though she washed her hands it didn’t matter because the drug sniffing dogs are trained to smell even the smallest amount of drugs.  Scary stuff!?

 

REAL FAIL:  Nurse Flagged At Airport By Drug Sniffing Dog

 

Wait officer!  I’m a registered drug dealer……

 

PLAN FOR IMPROVEMENT:

 

Even though it can be very confusing sometimes to distinguish in your own mind the differences between yourself:  A registered or licensed nurse who delivers highly addictive & expensive drugs to people all day & night.  Answers a phone or a pager, where the person on the other end tells you they want, and it doesn’t really matter whether they are in actual pain or not, you still have to deliver the goods.  You may even shoot them up if they so choose!  And you make quite a bit of money to do so.  Whereas a drug dealer is not registered or licensed delivers highly addictive & expensive drugs to people all day & night.  Answers a phone or a pager, where the person on the other end tells them the drugs they want, whether they really are pain or not it doesn’t matter, they still deliver the goods.  They may even shoot them up if the person so chooses!  And they make quite a bit of money to do so.  Oh?  Hmmm……What a minute?  I’m confused?  I guess the only differences is that us nurses are registered or have a license so we don’t get arrested for doing this.  But then again why was the nurse at the airport we just talked about taken into custody by the police & searched?  Oh?  Hmmm……What a minute?  I’m confused?…..Again!  OK!  So the only differences is that we as nurses are registered or licensed.  And being as how our careers are so similar (Nurses vs Drug Dealers) we both need to be really careful at airports & we also both need to wash our hands really well.

 

 

Disclaimer:  This piece of medical fiction is property of www.NurseFail.com.  This is a fictional work of the imagination of a sick individual, with the goal of making me laugh….And well?  You too.  This is not endorsed by the ANA or in any way related to reality, think of it instead as a stretching of possibility.

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